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Aug 14, 2014 / 1 note

Andrew/Ashley Wedding Extravaganza

Today my brother Andrew Crowley married the love of his life, Ashley Kilgore. I was honored to be asked to officiate their wedding. What follows are my notes for the occasion including the schedule and speeches.

Processional (3 minutes)

Mothers with ushers
Magnus & Douglas
Ben & Drew
Becca & Josh
Diana and John
Mckayla and Brett
Zoey and AdamJ
Elizabeth and Chaz
Danielle and Bret
Flower Girls
Ashley and Father 

Invocation (5 minutes)

Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today. Marriage, that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream, that promise that binds two people together forever. We’re here today to witness that promise between these two extraordinary individuals. It is my duty and my honor to introduce Ashley Kilgore and Andrew Crowley to all of you and to solemnify their vows today. Today their love is the center of our universe, and we will revolve around them.

Drew, Ashley, please hold hands.

The most famous universal law is that nature abhors a vacuum. Only slightly less known is this, nature loves knots. Today we recognize this knot. Two lives inexorably knotted together like two strings that you put in your pocket in the morning then pull out again at the end of the day in a jumbled-up knot. Nature seeks disorder. It’s a universal law in fact. We know it as the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Put a handful of ice cubes into a cup of hot tea. The cubes melt and the tea is cooled to equilibrium. You’ll never see a cup of cool tea spontaneously separate into ice cubes and hot tea. That is not natural. Equilibrium, disorder, entropy, knots. These things are natural. Our lives too are like strings. We celebrate our knots.

We humans are thinking, feeling things and it is our curse is to wonder; are we just very clever machines or are we something more, something special, something soulful? Love is a compelling argument for souls. Let’s be clear this isn’t the poor reflection that poets paint of mere affection. That kind of love is rash and shallow. That kind of love is simply the desire to be desired. The love we celebrate today is more than that. Shakespeare said it best in Romeo and Juliet:

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes;
Being vexed, a sea nourished with loving tears.

Shakespeare tells us that love is not the smoke raised by the fume of sighs but rather the fire left sparkling in lover’s eyes after the smoke has cleared.

True love is calm and deep. True love is persistence. True love is something you do, not something you say. True love is a demonstration that you value something in this universe other than yourself. Love is the unprovable answer to the loneliest question, are we more than just machines.

The most beautiful words ever spoken to me came from my wife who said:

Take my hand, we’ll walk together.

It is a silly trick, really, when one of you comes running to the other to find secure footing and in that instant you both feel the bedrock beneath. In the end, that’s what makes a marriage work. A marriage can feel like a roller coaster sometimes. Up, down, up, down. What a ride you take together. It can make you frightened, thrilled, sick, and euphoric. Sometimes all at the same time. Some people don’t like it. Some people like the merry-go-round. The merry go-round just goes around. I like the roller coaster. And you will too, if you keep holding hands.

As preparation for this invocation I asked Ashley and Drew to help me introduce themselves to you. Ashley said this, “Drew is thoughtful, kind, considerate, and positive. He embodies all the good things I’ve always wanted in a partner.” Drew said of Ashley, “She’s really cute and cozy. I just like being in rooms with her. And she’s gorgeous too.”

Declaration of Intent (2 minutes)

And now, since this is their day, not ours, I will speak just to them. Ashley, from the day he was born to this day Andrew has demonstrated a good heart and a tender nature. He has a lot of love to give. Andrew, it’s clear the moment you meet her that Ashley loves deeply and fully. So to the two of you, treasure your love. In the immortal words of John Steinbeck:

If you are in love — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

And love, true love, will follow you forever.

Do you, Drew, take Ashley to be your wedded wife?

Do you, Ashley, take Drew to be your wedded husband?

Exchange of Vows (3 minutes)

The word wed is the root of the word wedding. It is Germanic in origin. A wed is a pledge. It’s a promise. It’s a promise to “be obstinately attached or devoted to one another”. A marriage is really just that, a solemn vow. Now is the time to make that vow.

Drew, please repeat after me:

Ashley, with all my love, I take you to be my wife. I will love you through the good and the bad, through joy and sorrow. I will try to be understanding, and trust in you completely. Together we will face all of life’s experiences and share one another’s dreams and goals. May beauty surround us both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be our companion and our days together be good and long upon the Earth.

Ashley, please repeat after me:

Drew, with all my love, I take you to be my husband. I will love you through the good and the bad, through joy and sorrow. I will try to be understanding, and trust in you completely. Together we will face all of life’s experiences and share one another’s dreams and goals. May beauty surround us both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be our companion and our days together be good and long upon the Earth.

Exchange of Rings (1 minute)

Have you the ring?

Drew, place this ring upon her finger and repeat after me:

As this ring has no end, neither will my love for you.

Ashley, place this ring upon his finger and repeat after me:

As this ring has no end, neither will my love for you.

Pronouncement (0 minutes)

By the authority vested in me I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may now kiss the groom!

Recession (1 minute)

No dance videos

Texas. We messed with you (by cleaning up the beach a bit) and got away scot-free!
ae58e953-9c1b-4f9a-afa9-1f0a97f9f0eb +
Mar 26, 2012

Texas. We messed with you (by cleaning up the beach a bit) and got away scot-free!

ae58e953-9c1b-4f9a-afa9-1f0a97f9f0eb +

Mar 26, 2012

Microsoft DFAgent stopped working

While debugging an Azure project a couple of weeks ago the Azure Emulator startup process kept throwing the unhandled exception “A heap has been corrupted.”

After poking around for a bit looking for x86/x64 settings compat problems I remembered that as a part of some PowerShell v3 testing I’d done earlier in the week on this same machine I’d set a registry key so that PowerShell would use the latest CLR. Unwinding those registry keys seems to have resolved the DFAgent error.

Run these commands to unwind the ‘OnlyUserLatestCLR’ change on your machine (the 2nd line only applies to x64):

reg add hklm\software\microsoft.netframework /v OnlyUseLatestCLR /t REG_DWORD /d 0

reg add hklm\software\wow6432node\microsoft.netframework /v OnlyUseLatestCLR /t REG_DWORD /d 0

Mar 8, 2012

Dude, where’s my database?

If you’re like me you may have be using a specific type of SQL database known as a ‘User Instance’ without knowing what it is or how it works. You’d never known there was anything unusual until you tried to access your database from outside of Visual Studio. For example, in Microsoft SQL Server Management Studio …

Dude, where’s my database?

No worries. First, make sure your app is running. The database is started at app runtime by Visual Studio. Once your app is running execute this SQL statement in SQL Server Management Studio:

SELECT owning_principal_name, instance_pipe_name, heart_beat FROM sys.dm_os_child_instances

Take note of the named pipe that’s alive. That’s where your database is hiding. Copy the pipe name.

Open up the ‘Connect to Server’ dialog and paste in your named pipe address. Hit Connect.

Dude, there’s your database.

May 27, 2011

Add Yammer to Chrome Apps

Yammer SHOULD be in the Chrome App Store but isn’t. Tell them so.

Yammer in Chrome Apps

In the meantime, you can add them into your own personal apps by following these 5 simple steps:

  1. Download and unzip this manifest/icon app folder for Yammer: http://db.tt/64K0l8W
  2. Open up the Chrome Extension by clicking the wrench icon, choosing ‘Tools’, then choosing ‘Extensions’
  3. Click the ‘+’ next to ‘Developer mode’ to open up the developer tools
  4. Click the ‘Load unpacked extension’ button
  5. Navigate to the unzipped yammer_app folder, click ‘OK’
May 26, 2011 / 3 notes

Get-NetworkStatistics (or ‘netstat’ for PowerShell)

Shay Levy did an excellent PowerShellization of ‘netstat’ (link) on his blog back in February. JRich also had an excellent take on implementing NetStat in PowerShell (link). There is also a simple one-liner [net.NetworkInformation.IPGlobalProperties]::GetIPGlobalProperties().GetActiveTcpConnections() that will get you Tcp connection information without the process information but IMHO the info provided is practically useless in most real world scenarios without the process info.

One can argue over which solution is more PowerShellicous, “inlining c#” or “scraping cmd output”. Meanwhile while that flame war is happening I’ll be over here extending either of these solutions because PowerShell is awesome like that. Here I added filtering to the Shay’s solution. Behold:

PS C:\Users\ben> Get-NetworkStatistics skype | ft -AutoSize

Protocol LocalAddress LocalPort RemoteAddress RemotePort State     ProcessName PID 
-------- ------------ --------- ------------- ---------- -----     ----------- --- 
TCP      0.0.0.0      443       0.0.0.0       0          LISTENING Skype       4068
TCP      0.0.0.0      9841      0.0.0.0       0          LISTENING Skype       4068

PS C:\Users\ben> Get-NetworkStatistics -ProcessId 3368


Protocol      : TCP
LocalAddress  : 192.168.10.115
LocalPort     : 49899
RemoteAddress : 204.152.18.196
RemotePort    : 443
State         : ESTABLISHED
ProcessName   : chrome
PID           : 3368

Here’s the source:

Change the welcome background image in Windows7:
Set this key value to 1: HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Authentication\LogonUI\Background\OEMBackground
Overwriting this file: %windir%\system32\oobe\info\backgrounds\backgroundDefault.jpg
Jan 7, 2011

Change the welcome background image in Windows7:

Set this key value to 1: HKLM\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Authentication\LogonUI\Background\OEMBackground

Overwriting this file: %windir%\system32\oobe\info\backgrounds\backgroundDefault.jpg

Apr 23, 2010

Back from #MMS2010

Dec 17, 2009

Get Process Owners

I really like the @PowerTip blog series but I find myself wanting to talk back with more than 120 characters. Please enable comments @PowerTip. Comments are enabled for authenticated users. In the meantime, I’ll blog my comments.

re: Get Process Owners

function Get-PSOwner($searchString)
{	
    $foundProcess = ps $searchString
    if($foundProcess -eq $null) { return; }
    gwmi Win32_Process -Filter ("Handle={0}" -f $foundProcess.id ) | 
        % { Add-Member `
            -InputObject $_ `
            -MemberType NoteProperty `
            -Name Owner `
            -Value ($_.GetOwner().User) `
            -PassThru } | 
        select Name, Handle, Owner
}

The four minor changes I made to the @PowerTip script are: 1) it’s functionized, 2) the input is a search string for process (wildcards accepted), 3) it spits out the correct errors if the process can’t be found, and 4) the process handle is added to the results.

Download the script here: http://bitbucket.org/xcud/powershell-snippets/src/tip/Get-PSOwner.psm1

Sep 30, 2009

Get-DominosOrderStatus, a profound poshcode contribution

(tongue set firmly in cheek)

I happened upon Dana Merrick’s blog entry with a ruby script that retrieves an order status from dominos. In the spirit of “anything you can do I can do better" i threw this Psh equivalent together and submitted it to PoshCode.org. It’s phenomenally simple. It makes a request to the Dominos SOAP order status service and selects and displays the order status nodes if they exist.

function Get-DominosOrderStatus($pn) {
  [xml]$content = (new-object System.Net.WebClient).DownloadString(
    "http://trkweb.dominos.com/orderstorage/GetTrackerData?Phone=$pn");
  $statii = select-xml -xml @($content) `
    -Namespace @{dominos="http://www.dominos.com/message/"} `
    -XPath descendant::dominos:OrderStatus
  if($statii.Count -gt 0) { $statii | %{ $_.Node } }
  else { "No orders" }
}

Sample Output:

Version               : 1.3
OrderAsOfTime         : 2008-06-04T16:40:48
StoreAsOfTime         : 2008-06-04T16:44:55
StoreID               : 3189
OrderID               : 2008-06-04#73694
Phone                 : 3145551234
ServiceMethod         : Delivery
AdvancedOrderTime     :
OrderDescription      : 2 Small(10") Hand Tossed Pizza

OrderTakeCompleteTime : 2008-06-04T16:27:52
TakeTimeSecs          : 0
CsrID                 : Power
CsrName               :
OrderSourceCode       : Web
OrderStatus           : Out the Door
StartTime             : 2008-06-04T16:27:52
MakeTimeSecs          : 237
OvenTime              : 2008-06-04T16:31:49
OvenTimeSecs          : 360
RackTime              : 2008-06-04T16:37:49
RackTimeSecs          : 179
RouteTime             : 2008-06-04T16:40:48
DriverID              : 0818
DriverName            : Edna
OrderDeliveryTimeSecs :
DeliveryTime          :
OrderKey              : 1dRprcnzmWxaOXvlzj06OlFdzuexcIC/
ManagerID             : 5560
ManagerName           : Danillo

#text : Out the Door

You can download it here: http://bitbucket.org/xcud/powershell-snippets/src/tip/Get-DominosOrderStatus.psm1